I'm so fucking centered right now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
