the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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