Sponge bath it is.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
