We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
