Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
