I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
