I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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