I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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