So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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