Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
