she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
