Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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