just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
