dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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