insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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