Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
