i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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