I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
