I cannot find my penis.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
