guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
