so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
