...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
