fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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