somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
