rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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