Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
