So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
