You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My cat gives me a boner
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Randomize