Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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