It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
