I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
