If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
