If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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