Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
