i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
