You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
