Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
