Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
