she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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