No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
