does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
