I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
is it fun? or sober?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
