Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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