whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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