I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize