There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
