soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
