Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
