I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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