Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
