STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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