I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
