I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
