tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
