I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
did you just send me my own nude
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
