I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
