Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
