His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
