just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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