Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
