As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
