Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
