Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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