So drunk its hurt
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
