I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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