Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
