So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
