Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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