And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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