An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
